Ow.

I woke up this morning with a raw throat. It stinks. I guess this is why Ragsy was so crabby last week - that and my being out of it thanks to my brain being on the fritz. Oh, well. Just when you need him to be more communicative, that's when he has the most trouble. Understandable but unfortunate.

Anyway, you'll have to excuse yesterday's rage-filled, overly-emotional post. I couldn't help but be a little irritated that the first thing I heard and read upon the news that the bailout had failed to pass the House was whose fault it was and how politicians only care about the rich. It's disheartening to say the least. Sometimes I think seriously of moving to India. I'm lucky because I ultimately am not likely to be significantly impacted by what's going on. In the longer term, anyway. But if I were not as fortunate as I am, I would be confused and very worried. It bothers me that instead of telling an uneasy public exactly 1) what's happening, 2) what it means, 3) what the options are, 4) what impact those would have and 5) what exactly they plan to do and 6) what, if anything, we could be doing to expedite or mitigate the risk, they're wasting time. And the media is encouraging it by giving them airtime. So there. More concise, less pissy and hopefully more coherent.

Today I may try to get some sleep in. And a walk. It's going to be absolutely beautiful and I don't want to waste it even if my throat hurts.

Enough with the finger pointing.

I find it appalling that it was so predictable that once the bailout bill failed in Congress, both parties immediately started to blame one another. Guess what, politicians? I don't give a rat's patootie what party you're in. You were hired in the first place to be leaders. To represent your constituents' best interests in good times and bad. These are bad times. Get over yourselves and do your jobs. Lead, for God's sake, whatever side of the aisle you sit on.

You're supposed to know things that I don't, to know intimately what's going on in our country and to be informed enough to represent me (whether I voted for you or not) to fix things that are broken and ideally to prevent them from being broken in the first place. So tell me - what's going on, what are you doing to fix it and why is what you think should be done going to work? Alternatively, why should we just do nothing? I've had it up to here with excuses.

To that end, politicians and even our media, shame on you. Shame on you for worrying about your sorry asses when there are untold numbers of people whose livelihoods, chances for college, retirements and jobs may be going down the tubes. Shame on you for not giving constituents the information they need not to be terrified or at least to start formulating a plan of action to remain as solvent as possible. From where I sit, all I see is a big, black hole and a bunch of jerks standing around screaming about it.

Here is my wish list for the coming weeks. None of it will come true, but, hey, a girl can dream, can't she?

1. I wish to become more educated about what this means to me and my family. That is within my power, at least somewhat. I can make that come true. In fact, I've already started reading about it and found an awesome assessment of the issue here.

2. I wish that, every time one of our so-called leaders points a finger without recommending a solution, said finger is dipped in the same BS we've been listening to since this whole thing started.

3. I wish that the media would stop stroking our politicians' egos by reporting their fingerpointing. It's like encouraging a screaming toddler by giving him attention - it only makes him scream louder and doesn't fix the problem. So cut it out already.

Our political system has become a parody of itself. A caricature. And the sad thing is - it's largely deserved. In a country that eschews academia and discourages logic, in a land that is run by people who no longer even have a common agenda - which should be the health and well-being of the country - is it so crazy that we should stand on the brink of financial uncertainty, perhaps ruin? I want my country to be run by people smarter than me, more altruistic than me, who see problems and fix them instead of pointing at them and each other.

Yowza.

This weekend was fairly quiet. Friday night we went to dinner with some friends. Saturday morning, we went to the Magic House. We had hoped to go to a friend's party on Saturday afternoon, but Ragsy still takes mid-day naps and was out for the count until about 2:30. We had thought we might be able to make it if we got him into bed soon enough, but it was not to be. Since the party started at 1, we figured that it'd be a tad rude to show up demanding food at 3. So we went to get new shoes for Ragsy instead and wound up riding the carousel in Chesterfield Mall a few times. Saturday night some of the moms and teachers at Ragsy's daycare asked me to go to dinner, so I did, then Sunday we stayed home more or less all day since my husband was feeling a little under the weather.

Then today dawned. The stock markets are tanking. I'm starting to think that the speed with which information is available to me is not necessarily a good thing. From what I've been reading, the world economy is going to hell in a handbasket and the U.S. is leading the plunge. It's hard to figure out whether we should be truly worried or freaking out. And it's hard to have an opinion on whether we should be bailing out the banks when I really must admit that I don't have a clue what's going on other than that the banks have overpromised and underserved. I feel a bit stupid when it comes down to it. All this information available, and I still don't know what's going on.

At the same time, I feel extremely fortunate, though - it appears that I will have at least one job offer this week, potentially two. Which is kind of mind-blowing, given that one of them may be writing for a major financial company and therefore might not be something I'd want to accept. Unfortunately, the other one is in Illinois, but the drive isn't as bad as you'd think - just 35 or so minutes on a good day.

Anyway, what a day. I don't know whether this is good or bad or just to be expected. I do know that a lot of people will suffer and are suffering thanks to what's been going on. Probably not the right people, either.

I have arrived.

More or less anyway. And my heels freaking hurt. Guess it could be worse. At least I'm feeling my emotions more. Plus, over the last few days, I've been researching the brain a lot. I'm a little scared of myself and information always makes me feel better. What did I learn? Well...

• I have temporal lobe epilepsy. Knew that already.
• I get auras. Knew that, too. Though I didn't know that an aura was considered a simple sort of seizure. I get the auditory and visual hallucinations, plus the weird feeling in my stomach and tingling in my head and panic, mostly because I know what's going to happen and, even though I can't articulate it at the time, I know exactly the longer-term impacts once it's happened.
• The good news is that a seizure of the length I typically have doesn't result in brain damage. There are many reasons that a person could have seizures, most notably prior brain damage/head trauma, lesions, tumors, etc. I suspect that it has a lot to do with me being a SIDS baby, since depriving the brain of oxygen can cause seizure disorders later, even if they don't show up for years afterward like mine did.
• Another interesting thing is that the structure of an epileptic's brain may be different from a normal person's brain. No surprise given the above statements. But apparently there are more nodes in many epileptics' brains, which can lead to more frequent and stronger synaptic stimulation.

All this is interesting from a purely academic standpoint. It doesn't change what happened, doesn't actually help anything. But it does force me a little to realize how fortunate I am. Although my blood composition appears to have been permanently altered thanks to pregnancy and childbirth (I had been on this higher dose of estrogen beforehand with no problems, but apparently after birth adding just 10 more micrograms can screw you up), I know what's causing it and can fix it. I can even just go off the contraceptive entirely and lower my meds again, though since I'm already on it, I don't want to keep switching back and forth. I'm not sure what that would do.

Still, a lot of people aren't lucky enough to be able to pinpoint something and say, "There's the problem," and have to live with regular seizure activity no matter what they do, and the social stigma that accompanies it. Me, I just get what is hopefully a wakeup call, not to be repeated for several more years, if that. This is my first unprovoked seizure (minus the eclampsia) for seven years. Hopefully next time I have one (and I'm not kidding myself - it'll happen), I can say the same thing, only minus the eclampsia.

I'm going to try to stop yammering about my brain now. There are more important things going on than my fault electrical system misfiring. I may have a job in October, for example, and of course, the economy was long ago set on course to go to hell in a handbasket and the dominoes are falling fast.

Almost back.

I'm still struggling a little getting back to normalcy after my seizures Monday morning. I'm almost there, but things still smell weird wherever I go and when I talk, it still feels like I'm talking down a tunnel. But that's normal, for me, after a seizure. My lower lip is also still numb, so I have to keep a hand down there when I drink as if I had had novicaine injected.

Oh, well. It could be much, much worse. I'm hoping that my medication adjustment has taken care of the problem. According to my research and my doctor, that should do it. So maybe today I can take a bath without having to worry about any potential for drowning. My muscles are still sore, but not nearly so as yesterday. The days also feel like they're stretching longer, mostly because I'm waiting to drive myself anywhere until I'm certain the meds have done their job. There's only so much job hunting I can do in a day when it's the same jobs being repeated online over and over again. I'm supposed to go on a half-day interview tomorrow. I guess I'll have to see about transportation. Somehow, I'm not in the mood to take a cab to Belleville.

Anyway, so I've been rotting my brain the last day and a half with junk TV. In this state, nothing touches me emotionally still, though I did get some first glimmers of feeling this morning with Ragsy, so hopefully that's just around the corner. I'd rather be raging mad than feel this curious nothingness. Even the light looks different - almost new, an oddity to be considered through my window. The sights and the smells are a slap in the face when I get out of bed in the morning. I don't have the level of departure I did yesterday - it's fading - but what's left is still a little disturbing. Like yesterday, I guess I'll just work through it. Eventually everything will feel normal, whether it's because it goes back to feeling the same way it did before the seizures or because this becomes my new normal. I hope it's the former, and not the latter. I want to feel. I want to be happy and I want to hurt.

This period of adjustment blows a goat. I hate waiting for things to fall back into place, for my mouth to catch up to my mind and my emotions to make sense for my situation and for that awful numbness to wear off. It's like being stuck behind a plexiglass wall. I can't break through and voices from the other side are muffled and less impactful than if you were talking to their owners in person. I make jokes and talk almost like normal, if with a few more pauses, but I don't feel much when I laugh. Right now my laugh and facial expressions are just conventions to make others more comfortable around me, necessary parts of socializing that lubricate any discussion but don't mean much to me at this point. It just sort of comes out because it's what's expected. I imagine it's a bit like what a sociopath must feel and I can't wait until I can internalize my emotions properly again. I give it two days, maybe three to really take. Just in time for the weekend.

Just when you thought you were safe...

I had been seizure-free for two and a half years, since Ragsy was born. Had been. Unfortunately, I should have realized that certain birth control pills lessen the effectiveness of seizure medications. After two seizures Monday morning around 1:30 and 3 a.m., I'm sore, emotionless and my lip is swollen from being bitten.

Oh, well. It could be worse. It could be a situation where no one knew what caused it. So at least I have something I can pinpoint and say, "There. That's the problem." Then it can be fixed. That's more than I could say for my experiences in college. Still, I can't help but be extremely frustrated. I thought I was well controlled and, thanks to a lack of due diligence, I'm not.

Waking up yesterday morning at 1:30 was terrifying. I knew it was coming. I had been deeply asleep and I felt the aura starting. I sat up in bed, frantic, trying to talk myself down, trying to tell myself it would be ok. Then, nothing until about 7:45 a.m. when I heard Ragsy wake up and start yelling at my husband. Apparently he was "off" all day at daycare - they said he was combative and not as communicative as usual. But he seemed better today. Amazingly, he seemed to have gone through a developmental spurt this weekend. All of a sudden, he's speaking in almost full sentences most of the time, adding pronouns and adjectives appropriately.

Ah, well. I guess I'll just work through this. That's what you do, right? But I don't have to like it.

Glow.

Are you going to the Balloon Glow tonight? I think we are. I love this yearly event, and Ragsy is right at the age when he'll be starting to appreciate 1) staying up "late" and 2) the Glow itself. Plus, he won't turn into as much of a pumpkin after being out at night. Ever since he saw a hot-air balloon in the sky last week, he's been demanding one of his own. Then again, he's also been asking to have a full-size train in his room. Neither is going to happen, but I see no problem taking him to a free event where he can see balloons.

This week has been strange. I think I'll be getting a job offer next week and I'm still debating over whether or not I'd like to take it. It's dealing with products under the set of regs I'm accustomed to now, plus a new set, only in this case, I'll be the primary owner of said products, including their development, maintenance, packaging, education and training. Yikes.

I'm debating, though, because I may be receiving a competing offer. But I guess I'm still at maybe, so I shouldn't worry until I have a reason to do so. Any way, a two and a half hour meeting is generally a good sign, no?

Anyway, Ragsy has been a little poop lately. He's been wanting me and only me and letting both me and my husband have it morning and night. He enjoys daycare, but doesn't want to go in the morning and doesn't want to leave at night. I guess something is going on in his head or his body. As soon as he sees his dad in the morning, he goes ballistic, crying and screaming for him to leave, then shrieking for me. He's been through this all before, but it's more frustrating since it stopped for a while, then started again.

I think that's the most frustrating thing about kids - to take a giant leap forward, they need to take one or two steps back and you just have to be patient, work through it and eventually they'll get to the other side, but the waiting can be awful. Oh, well. I guess I'll just let him cling and give him extra attention to help him through. Though I have to say, being the person your kid comes to when they're at their worst is not fun. Funny how being the mom means that you get most of the crap work. But the good stuff far outweighs the bad and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Goodbye, river.

At about 4:30 yesterday, I finally got Missouri American Water Company out here again. And they realized that, indeed, they did need to do something about our swamp and the river flowing down my driveway. The guy came by to turn off my water and said, "Hey, I think you have a main break. We need to fix that." Sheesh.

Anyway, last night around 6:30, a digger shows up in my front yard, along with two trucks. The water was turned off down the street, but unfortunately, the company forgot to tell anybody else on the street that they'd be without water for a few hours. Go figure. That done, a large gash was dug into the ground in my front yard, the faulty pipe pulled out and replaced and everything was put back (minus the grass and with the addition of a giant dent in the yard from the digger) and the trucks gone by about 10 last night.

Even though I lost all my cucumbers thanks to flooding - the leaves and fruit are rotting off the vines because of a combination of Ike and the driveway river - at least the water's gone. And the guys digging up my yard seemed to know what they were doing. At least I hope so given the size of the hole they dug.

The most frustrating thing about the whole situation is that I can't just sit back and say, "Oh, well the customer service agents there are idiots." Because they're not - they were just telling me what they knew and were remarkably kind to an increasingly hysterical, frustrated stranger. Unfortunately, they apparently had not received adequate training on what services their company provides. Their contractors were also great (with the exception of not telling others what was going on - if I were my neighbor, that'd tick me off) and knew what they were doing. But apparently I'm now notorious at Missouri American Water. Not only did their contractors know that I had been extremely angry, after I talked to the county, apparently they complained on my behalf so the Director of Customer Service has left me a message, too. It sucks that I had to flip out just to get someone to look at the darn thing.

Well, sayonara, river. And good riddance.

MO American Water = DISASTER

The saga continues. The mini river down the side of my driveway is not yet fixed. I called Missouri American Water. They said that only a plumber could fix it. I called the plumber (RotoRooter). They said they can't do it without Missouri American Water Company. I called Missouri American Water Company. They can't do it. All they can do is turn off the water and charge me $15 for the priviledge of having a utility turned off. Thanks guys. Oh, and we still need a plumber to fix the problem. What? What?? I just want to mitigate the damage to my freaking yard and driveway by the streamlet going down the side! For God's sake, just figure out who the hell should be doing something and tell me and I'll call them to do it! Gah.

Ahem. So I call The plumber. He still can't do anything to fix the leak, but he can call the county. He does so, calls me back, tells me the same thing, so I ask for the county waterworks number from him. I call the county. The county waterworks clerk says, "I don't know what the hell Missouri American is talking about. We have more trouble with this company. I'll call them to see what the hell is going on."

That's the first good news I've had all day. I am so frustrated. And here I sit, waiting for waterworks to call me back. Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. I think my head is going to explode.

Welcome to the swamp.

Our PATNC rep visited us today and, as I was readying Ragsy for daycare and walking him and his dad outside, I noticed that our lawn was unusually swampy. Hmmm... That's weird. So I walked along the path to the driveway and heard my child yell, "Yay! It's a river!" Um, what? Last I checked, there is no river anywhere on the property.

So I walk over to him and notice that there is, indeed, at least a small streamlet gushing merrily down my driveway. I look up the driveway. Yep, those guys across the street are still hammering away, but they didn't do any work in the ground, so that wouldn't affect it. My husband went up into the yard and noticed...nothing. Nothing but a swampy yard with water welling up. So they went on their way and I called Missouri American Water Company, who informed me that they could do nothing to fix the problem.

Huh? That doesn't make any sense? Well, it does if you're Missouri American Water Company, but not to me. Apparently all the people in St. Louis County own their water lines so, unless the problem affects the street, you're on your own and have to call a plumber to fix it. That sucks. What stinks even more is that my meeting yesterday was rescheduled for today so I have to wait to get someone to look at it until after I get back, around 2 p.m. Crud. Sometimes I hate home ownership. Oh, well. To cheer myself up, maybe I should go play in the swamp. If I'm lucky, perhaps we'll have ibis or fish or something. Grrr.

When do you know your mom is gone?

When you're left with a ridiculously quiet house, an irate toddler and a very, very sore stomach. Ouch. Although I'm actually quite happy the house is silent for a change, now I can hear every creak and pop. And mom, while frequently irritating, is sometimes pleasant to be around. Plus, Ragsy is not happy to have lost his Nanima for the next few weeks. Fortunately we'll be visiting her in three weeks or so and he'll get to see his aunt and uncle as well. And, holy monkey, my frig and kitchen are full of things I'd never buy on my own:

1. Chips. These are generally reserved for parties.

2. Three types of ice cream. We try to keep it to one type max and forget it's there.

3. Three types of cookie. Sadly, cookies are my favorite food group. But I've managed to avoid them the past few days thanks to a very gross-feeling stomach.

4. Huge chunks of meat. I like meat, but since we eat it only once or twice a week, it kills my stomach to eat it every day. Like the last five days. Hence the extremely sore stomach.

5. White bread.

6. Hot dogs.

7. Breakfast links.

8. Tubs and tubs of full-fat cream cheese mixed with butter and basil and dried tomatoes. I never knew they mixed cream cheese and butter. It seems somehow wrong. Very wrong.

9. Heavy cream.

10. Cake. Lots of carrot cake.

So, if anyone's interested in a really weird breakfast, show up sometime. I'll feed you. Tons of meat, tons of sweets and lots of cream. Hmmm... Maybe I'll make tamales tonight.

Ah, yes - a more pointless post there never was.

To hell in a handbasket.

This week/weekend has been largely uneventful. My mom is visiting (leaving this afternoon), which has been at times fun and at others completely exasperating. Don't worry - I won't go into it too much, suffice to say that she's very set in her ways. Anyway, I have several meetings with several companies/individuals this week starting tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it.

Other than that, the senior director at my former company - the person I disliked and found completely unethical - was fired. Yes, I do feel somewhat satisfied. It was certainly overdue. However, the reasons why he was fired, while no doubt true, will follow him for the rest of his career and potentially prevent him from finding work again unless he leaves the state. Like I said, he deserves it, but his wife and children do not.

One other person has been put on a performance improvement plan, which is code for one step away from being fired. I actually feel sorry for that guy - his hiring was not well thought out, and it's not his fault if the company can't see that he wasn't an appropriate hire to begin with. Particularly given that he had to relocate across the entire country.

I feel a little like the Godfather, since my phone's been ringing off the hook all weekend. I think my leaving contributed to this happening, but the wheels were set in motion by the senior director's own unethical behavior long, long ago. Well, I'm sure I'll blog again today (luck you!), but I'm having trouble concentrating since my mom's talking. I should be paying attention anyway, given that she's my mom and I don't see her often. So, off I go.

Talk, talk talk.

To my surprise, over the past week, my husband and I have been talking more. It's not necessarily that we've had communication problems recently, but it seems that most of his time has been spent playing various video games and, other than mealtimes, I've rarely seen him. Add to this my nightly ritual of going for a walk regardless of the time and we don't see each other a whole lot. So, I was pleasantly surprised this week when we happened to get into several more-than-hour-long conversations.

Last night we discussed Sarah Palin and an interesting discussion I heard on NPR. One of the speakers asserted that, although we might want to deny it, women are still in most households, the glue that holds everyone together. They do most of the childrearing, their children need them on a very physical level at a young age, women are responsible for most household duties including household paperwork, cleaning, cooking, etc. and that ignoring that fact even with respect to Sarah Palin, particularly when her family was considered part of her resume and was being touted to prove what a great candidate she is, would be disingenuous. I felt that was an excellent point, and that to ignore such things is ridiculous when we constantly have her family life being pushed in our faces as a good reason for her to be VP.

After that, the conversation drifted toward religion and what we wanted to tell our son. He's already asked a few questions about churches and how they're different from other buildings. So far, I've explained the concept of god in the simplest terms I can think of (i.e., in terms of a father or mother watching over everyone) and have let him know that people go to such buildings to be closer to god and talk to him or her. I'm not sure what I'm going to say from there - if he asks me if he can talk to god, I'll say absolutely. If he asks me if I think god will listen, I'm not sure what my response will be. Do I think god will listen? I honestly don't know. Is god really there? I don't know that either. On both points, I'd like to think so.

Anyway, once that was covered, we talked about the idea of polytheism vs. monotheism, then on to atheism, which I think is an over-used, misunderstood term. One side feels that atheism equals chaos and devil worshipping and nothingness; many people from the other side who ascribe to atheism simply don't know or don't care about a higher power, so they aren't actually atheists - mostly just disinterested. Or at least that's my experience.

That said, our bedroom door is slowly swinging open and shut and it's starting to freak me the heck out. I hate that - it happens every few days. I'll be sitting here working or surfing and out of the corner of my eye, see something about the shadow change. I'll turn my head and watch the sliver of light become slimmer and slimmer, then wider and wider even though the AC is no longer on. Oh, well.

My opinion - I'm conflicted.

While I try not to post too many political comments on my blog since I'm not nearly as qualified or eloquent as many of my friends and acquaintances, I'm finding it hard to keep my mouth shut on the Freddie Mac and Fannie May bail-outs by the federal government.

I disagree heartily with helping these entities out. Yes, I realize we're in a mortgage crisis and credit crunch. Everyone's short on cash, most particularly your average American who actually has little to no say about how much they get hosed. Which is extremely crappy. That said, by buying out these companies, it seems that the federal government is creating a contrived market instead of a true free-market economy and at the same time potentially setting a precedent for other companies.

Additionally, it makes sense that at some point when the market has been doing really well, there will have been errors and inappropriate behaviors that would have contributed to that success. In my opinion, the current situation should be considered an expected, if drastic, correction of that.

Now for my disclaimer and request for enlightenment: it's easy for me to say all of this. I live in a nice house and, even though I am currently unemployed, have enough socked away for a while and will hopefully have another job before that money is depleted. Still, I have to wonder if what the government is doing is truly a good thing. It seems like it's a temporary fix to a greater problem that may have otherwise been corrected if left to play out.

On the other hand, if we assume that we can't help out entities who are struggling, what happens if the healthcare and/or insurance market is next? We can't just say, "Oh, that's a normal correction. Sorry if a bunch of people aren't getting the help they need and are getting sick/sicker/dying - things will get better but this needs to happen in a free market economy." That would not only never fly, it also seems immoral and wrong for someone or something (in this case, the government) not to help if they can. So, how comparable is this to what's happening now? How does it relate? Does it?

People need money to live. I'm assuming that if their bills skyrocket, that affects their ability to manage paying for healthcare. So letting costs get out of control not only puts pressure on a lot of people, it can also result in negative livelihood and health consequences. What's the answer? A massive overhaul of our economy as a whole? Bail-outs for important companies that need it? Overhaul of one industry but not the other? Urgh.

I'd love it if someone far more educated than I would help fight my ignorance - as I've said, the above is my opinion, based largely on news coverage, which is usually skewed. Also, my own logic, at this point, seems schizophrenic since I'm arguing both sides to some extent.

Now I know what I want to do.

So, after receiving a few calls about jobs from potential employers, I've thought long and hard about exactly what it is I want. I think I know now:

1. I want a job that allows me to be responsible for the work I get done. In other words, I don't want to be a warm body - if I'm done, I want to go home. But I want to be important enough to be indispensible.

2. I want a job that challenges me and makes me work hard while I'm there.

3. I want a job that allows me to make a good amount of money and permits advancement.

4. I want to be rewarded for good work.

5. I don't want to stop writing professionally.

6. My job should be something that allows me to enjoy my personal life. In other words, it shouldn't follow me around after work and on vacations like my previous one did; it should allow me to make enough to pay my bills and enjoy my family.

So, that's what I want. I think I can find it, but it'll take some doing. Like I said, I received a few calls this week from potential employers asking about my salary range, availability, etc. Obviously, I'm not going to hand over the above list, but at least now I know exactly what's important to me. Now, onto the actual work I'd be doing: I think that to meet all the above criteria, my original assumption that brand management is the way to go is accurate. Unfortunately, it's hard to be in a really visible position and have the leeway not to be available all the time. If that doesn't work out, I'd also do governmental/regulatory affairs. I'm good at it and I know what I'm doing. Most of the calls I've gotten would draw on my experience with Medicare, which is fine. Fortunately, it's enough of a rarefied niche that I should be able to get closer to the salary I'd want than I would with brand management. Hmmm... Tricky. Very tricky.

Politics.

I rarely talk about politics on this blog. I have several friends who are very active in the political sphere and, because we have vastly similar views and my friends are more articulate than I in expressing them, I generally hold off. I will say that I'm absolutely voting for Obama this election, and I did in the primaries. I think the nomination of Sarah Palin for VP on McCain's ticket is a travesty and feels like his group is trying the throw us little women a bone.

But on the whole, I'm sick of politics. We've been hearing about the November elections for what, three years? Four? From where these people eat their food and get their hair cut to actual issues and ill-advised comments, we could probably find out far more intimate details about these people than we would ever know about many of our friends. And some of it is important. But so very much of it is not. I couldn't give a crap who vacations where or how many houses they have (though it is a little weird for the owner not to know how many they have).

I don't consider it newsworthy if a candidate had a physical and came out healthy, or even if he or she has a cold or the flu or a melanoma (my friend has had one and she's only 33). Unless someone has broken the law, their actions grossly contradict their purported values, those values change or they do something else outrageous or vet extremely sick, I don't want to hear about it anymore.

I hate to say it, but I listen far more to my friends than I do the radio or TV or even the candidates themselves anymore. After several years of listening to this BS, I find it far more palatable from them than from people expressing recreational outrage on either side.

Stung by the COBRA.

Holy cow. I just got my COBRA election forms. My monthly premiums alone would be more than Ragsy's monthly childcare. And this is better than NOT having insurance, how? We'll get insurance of some sort, whether through COBRA or my husband's benefits - maybe even through a high-deductible individual plan (for which I would invariably not qualify - thank you, seizures!), but, damn, I have no idea what we would do if I hadn't been saving for this. I'm not sorry I quit, but I've never seen premiums so freaking high. It's ridiculous. I'd much rather just pay out of pocket. I'd save almost $12,000 a year.

Things I learned about heat rash.

1. Heat rash can spread like wildfire, even hours after sun exposure has ended.

2. Sleeping with a toddler with heat rash is a lot like sleeping next to a landed trout.

3. In addition to being annoyingly itchy, heat rash can cause a pins and needles sensation that has your toddler kicking his or her legs every 20-30 seconds.

4. Corn starch doesn't get enough credit for being the best fix-it ever for rashes - it works better than anything I've ever seen and even takes away redness.

5. Target employs judgmental jerk pharmacists that chew you out in front of other customers at the mere suggestion of using an anti-itch topical on your toddler. (I was desperate and had the unmitigated gall to politely ask someone trained in pharmacy if there was anything I could use. Then I was subjected to a delightful diatribe on my parenting skills. Thanks, jackass. I really needed that after waking next to a scratched up, slightly blood-spotted little boy looking to me to make things better, particularly when I was running on an hour and a half of sleep. No, really.)

6. When I'm tired and get chewed out by a pharmacist in public, I get mad. Really mad. And so do other parents around me who've been in a similar situation. Thanks, strangers - your reassurances and genuinely helpful suggestions after being yelled at by the bad man was exactly what I needed.

If you haven't guessed, Ragsy had heat rash. All freaking weekend. He had insisted on wearing his jeans to the zoo when he went with his dad. Having trekked all over Bombay in long pants (shorts are generally not worn, not even by toddlers), my husband understandably assumed that Ragsy would be fine. After all, Bombay is much more humid and just as hot as here, so he had no reason to think otherwise. Until he arrived at our meeting place for lunch. Ragsy was already starting to develop a rash, but the redness was starting to go away when he got into the cool air. So we decided not to worry and to see what happened. And boy did the crap hit the fan.

Ragsy was having trouble sitting still - he was tired, he had been sweaty, so we fed him and I took off for home while my husband chatted with a friend. After a mere 45-minute nap, Ragsy woke up exhausted and sweaty and ticked off. He wanted up. He wanted down. He didn't know exactly what he wanted, only that he wanted...something. He's a pretty cheerful kid, so the crying and screaming that followed let me know that we were missing something. He's not the type to scream just to hear the sound of his own voice. So my husband stripped him and there was a rash on his thighs, right where it would rub against me if I picked him up.

Over a period of about 8 hours, it developed not just on his thigh chub and a spot on his arm, it covered his legs, spread to his butt, his back, his tummy, arms, cheeks. So we turned on the AC full blast and started rubbing him with cool water. He was understandably annoyed - if someone pulled off my clothes and turned me into an ice cube, I'd be mad, too. After a very rough night, he woke up cheerful but still spotty, so I dredged him in corn starch, all day. Finally, he managed to sleep for more than an hour for a nap, then only woke 3 times in the night. Then yesterday, he woke up after an hour's nap, wobbled into our bedroom and collapsed next to me and stayed put for three hours. He also slept through the night. Score!

We obviously didn't do much this weekend, though I was hoping to hang out with friends or at least go to a park or something. Still, it was worth it to stay in. The kid still has a patch just under his rear end, but he's happy, comfortable and almost bump free. I, on the other hand, am drained, draggy and desperately in need of caffeination, though I'm more relieved that I can say.