You've got to be frakking kidding me.

Last night was bad. As in BAD. We haven't had a night quite like last night with Evelyn. Most of it is attributable to her not napping yesterday. The rest? Turns out she's a ridiculously persnickety kid. The not napping was bad, but after I put her down in the evening, she was up every 5-10 minutes unless someone was holding her. It was so bad that we just took turns holding her in the dark while the other finished their dinner around midnight. Finally, we got her to sleep around 1 a.m. and she woke again at 3:30 wanting to be fed. I both nursed her and, because she didn't seem satisfied with me, gave her some expressed milk to tank her up in the hopes she'd get some much-needed rest. I handed her over to my husband, who was apparently up with her until 7:30.

After she was fed this morning, I went to put her down for her nap. She would pass out every time I touched her, but wake immediately when I took my hand away. I was so strung out from sleep deprivation, my internal monologue went something like this:

Okay, okay. So she falls asleep when I touch her head. Okay. I have to figure out how to get something to touch her head all the time. What would do that? What? I could strap a washcloth to her head. No, that might slip and smother her. I need something that starts with the letter H. Um, helmet? Hand? No, no - the point is not having my hand on her all morning. Um... Ham? Wait, what? Oh! I know! A hat! Now where would I get a hat? And so on until I finally located a hat and put it on her. As soon as her ears were covered, her eyes rolled back in her head and she passed out for three hours.

Fast forward to just now. She's been sleeping more or less all day as long as she's being held. That's fine. She needs it - we're happy to help her to get her rested enough to sleep well tonight. So, I just went in to put her to sleep after tanking her up again to make sure she's not hungry. I put her down with her hat on, but now she won't sleep unless she has pressure on her chest. Otherwise she becomes a miniature Houdini, managing to escape from even the tightest swaddle. Other than my hand, it took me a while to think of a heavy blanket to put on her and tuck in. But I did, and she's asleep - for now. I wonder what it'll be tomorrow? Sound that bothers her? My very existence? Who knows? All I know is that she is anal as hell.