Following are some fool-proof instructions on waking a baby. Many of you are likely aware of the following; however, I'm putting together a manual (okay, not really - I'm just strung out on sleep deprivation again). Anyway...
1. Brew a pot of delicious coffee or get whatever your morning crack happens to be. Whatever it is, it has to be hot.
2. Smell your cra... uh, that just sounds wrong. Smell your beverage or food. Doesn't it smell perfect?
3. Sit down and relax. Relaxation is key. It won't work if you're not relaxed.
4. Lift the cup or fork slowly to your lips, breathing deeply.
5. Tilt the cup or slide the food past your lips and...
Hah! Works every time. The above instructions can be adjusted for evenings, particularly mealtimes, or really any other time of day. Keep in mind, they don't work quite as well if you're contemplating something you theoretically could do with a baby in one hand or with the baby present (i.e., bringing a baby in its bouncinette into the shower, drinking a beverage or eating food that won't scald the baby if accidentally spilled or cramming food down your throat while standing up in the presence of a baby, screaming or otherwise).
2 comments:
Getting naked-for-fun is also a sure-fire method of waking a baby. Or toddler. Or kindergartner. Even at 3:00 am.
Oh, God. That hadn't even crossed my mind! I'll definitely have to add that to the list.
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