Stupid human tricks.

I did something incredibly dumb yesterday. But funny, or funny to me.

A few minutes before my interview, I was slapping on some makeup so I wouldn't look so tired. I was casting about for a decent lip gloss and realized I hadn't yet used the new one I got recently at Target. It was a lip-plumping gloss. I don't really have thin lips, but I liked the shade, so I got it anyway. I didn't really pay attention to the announcement on the label that it caused a "pleasant tingling sensation." Heck, I thought, Burt's Bees causes a little tingle and I love that stuff. So I slicked on some gloss, gave my hair another shake and got ready to leave. Then the burning started.

Holy hell. Ow, ow, ow. I found myself wondering why the heck my lips were burning as if they were on fire and raced around the house wiping madly at my lips with tissue after tissue, then rinsing and wiping again. The burning died down for the most part, so I thought I'd take care of the rest of it with some lip balm. So I put some on and got ready to leave. But wait! The burning had resumed. And worse than before. Holy freaking cow! I grabbed the lip balm I had put on. Oh, no! It was Burt's Bees medicated lip balm. Noooooo!!!

By now my lips were, well, plump. I felt like Jessica Rabbit with the gigantic red lips. I wiped again and again and again, rinsed and looked in the mirror. Well, at least I didn't need lip stick or gloss anymore. My lips were swollen and red, though not quite bee-stung, thank goodness. The funny thing about it is that through the whole process, I was running around, cackling like a witch. The whole situation was just so stupidly funny and so very typical. Trust me to injure myself while putting on my makeup.

I'm only lucky I didn't lose part of a finger this time and wasn't genius enough to decide to rinse it off with lemon juice and salt scrub or fiberglass.