The last time I was anyone's obsession, I was tempted to call the police. Unfortunately I don't think that'd work with a two and a half year old kid. My son has become very territorial with me, pushing away my husband when he wants to talk to me and other children, defiantly declaring, "No! Leave me! My mommy!"
The whole situation is generally more stressful than anything else. For one thing, it's put my husband into a funk because he feels rejected. For another, it's put my son into a funk because a) my husband is upset around him and he picks up on that and b) I get tense around him because he drives away anyone else I might talk to and I never know when he's going to explode. My son has also regressed in certain areas, whimpering "Mama, mama," instead of speaking coherently and telling me what he wants when he's frustrated.
I'm trying not to encourage it, whipping out the daddy PR and trying hard not to respond to the incessant whining, except to say, "I'm sorry. I don't understand you. Perhaps you could tell me what you want without whining?" Also, I'm trying to back up whatever my husband says and at the same time give my son extra kisses and hugs. Still, both Ragsy and my husband are on short fuses. My husband isn't mean or anything, but apt to give less warning prior to discipline, making things even worse. So to avoid it, he goes away. Leaving me alone and resentful with an equally irritated toddler. Then I have to soothe ruffled feathers after on both sides.
It's frustrating for me, but I'm trying to keep it in perspective: it can't feel good to be constantly rejected by your own kid. It also can't feel good to have someone get mad at you easily and discipline you with very little opportunity to fix what you're doing that's at issue. Regardless, I'm seeing it mostly from my perspective and I'm going quickly insane. Deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out.
2 comments:
"this, too, shall pass"
Give it a couple of months. Ragsy might be your husband's slavish devotee by then. Kids are wierd that way.
If it's a new problem, he may have picked up on your emotional/physical/mental state after your seizure. Or because of the change in dynamics with your job change. Or lord only knows what else.
I know my daughter has gone through strange behavior periods around times of stress in our family (especially around Trystan's surgeries). There was a while that she freaked out about going to her dance class, because my husband took her to one class while I was at the hospital with Trystan. I don't know why dance class triggered the behavior, but somehow she got the two events linked in her mind. There was also an issue with closed doors after my husband ran the marathon, and she watched a subway door close with him still on the platform (he was staying with other runners the night before due to scheduling). She got past it, after a while.
What we've always done is just give her plenty of attention, and explain, rationally, that everything is ok. And be patient, which is hardest of all when they act so irrationally.
Thanks for the words of encouragement! I think the PR is slowly working - this morning was much easier than yesterday, which involved a lot of frustration. Ragsy and I talked about it last night and about daddy, then my husband and I backed up our words before bedtime and this morning with lots of hugs and kisses from both of us. We also let him cuddle as long as he wanted (except at the dinner table, which he wasn't too happy about).
I read up about this little oedipal complex, too, and found that it's extremely common. I don't know why, but anytime I'm worried about something, if I research it to death (and get good advice from friends), I feel better, even if the answer is, "It could be anything. Just wait it out." The good news (other than it being common) is that the experts say it means he's really secure about both of us. Not that he's insecure if he doesn't do it, but at least it's not a result of us not giving him adequate attention. Given his temprament, I'm not sure that could happen.
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