I registered my daughter for kindergarten and promptly lost it

I'm working from home again, today to get parental stuff done. And as the title suggests, that parental stuff involved registering my youngest for kindergarten. It was so easy and so horrible at the same time.

I brought in everything they asked for and had done the pre-registration online, so all they needed was documentation and we were good. So I got back in my car after the school signed off and I signed off and drove toward home. I started thinking, "Hmmm, should we have her do the pre-k summer school so she's used to going and knows the kids she'll be in class with for the next 6 years? We'd have to take her out of preschool for 3 weeks, but it'd be worth it probably. I hope kindergarten is easier on her than it was on Rags. I hope she thrives. I hope she's not lonely. And I hope....Oh, God! My daughter's going to be in kindergarten in 9 months!" Cue the meltdown.

I shouldn't be that upset. The universal reason children are born is to grow up. But it is bloody devastating. Both to the kid and to their parent. This time next year, there will be homework.There will be less play. There will be the push, push, push to get her out the door, just like we push, push, push her brother. There will be tears about kids who are mean to her.

We'll have to have the talk that you never have in preschool that was so horrible when I had it with Rags: not everyone is your friend. In preschool everyone is called your friend, but that kid over there? The one who hit you or called you stupid? Not your friend. And your teachers won't always protect you, so you have to identify who is your friend and who is not and avoid people who are assholes (even if you're not allowed to call them that yet).

And the day I watch my teeny tiny little girl get on the bus and wave goodbye alongside her big brother (who may or may not agree to sit with her), I will be even more devastated than I am now. Because I'll know that my kids are both doing what they're supposed to - growing up and growing independent - and I'm so proud of them yet so sorry that they're both going to be at an age where a hug and a kiss no longer solves their problems.

I had no idea parenthood - those simple stupid little milestones you don't think anything about - would cause such visceral, violent reactions that I'd have to tamp down. This is way harder than not knocking heads at work.