Hey, there, 39

I didn't see you standing there. Today is my annual birthday post. As you might have guessed, I'm now 39, though if you ask my daughter, I'm 93 (which I hope is just her transposing numbers).

This year has been quieter than most. My mom is stable, we celebrated the coming of a new family member, my nephew Max. My daughter turns 5 tomorrow.

I still don't feel like an adult. At work, I'm always surprised people listen to me because I still feel like I'm in my teens. I'm hoping that if I don't tell myself I'm so close to 40, my body won't catch on. After all, if I'm old, I can't run 5Ks with my son. If I'm old, surely I wouldn't have built that giant playhouse out of boxes last night (complete with three windows and a door). No way would I still love my husband like I did the day I met him - probably more - and enjoy talking to him as much.

Nope, I'd be a crotchety old lady, stuck in my chair telling kids to get off my damn lawn. When I was little, I remember 26 being my magic number for "oldness." I'm not too worried about hitting 40. If I keep going like I am, I'll be fitter than I have been since I was 29 and happier and more confident of myself.


So, what am I doing to ring in the last year of my 30s? I'm spending today by myself, shopping for my daughter's birthday, which is tomorrow, then shopping for new running shoes for myself. Then I'll break them in with a trail run or I'll go for a swim at the Y before I spend the remainder of my afternoon looking at books, then going to parent-teacher conferences in the afternoon. My husband and I will spend the whole day with Evelyn tomorrow for her birthday just like we do with Rags - after all, how often can they say they get our undivided attention? Usually only when they've screwed up. Then the day after that, I'm going to a climbing wall with my husband. I'm petrified of heights, but mostly uncontained heights. I think I can handle this. And even if I'm not certain, I'll do it anyway. 

I'm starting to wonder if people don't tell other people their age because they can't quite believe it themselves. What makes people feel so young? I still can't put my finger on it. Is it knowing that there are things out there (lots of them) that we haven't done that scare us but there's still ample opportunity to push ourselves? Maybe it's that yawning knowledge that there's so much you don't know. Whatever it is, I'll take it. So here's to another year of not knowing what the heck I'm doing, to needing to know so much more, to pushing myself. Here's to another year of whatever it is that's going to happen. May it make me stronger, better and may I never stop being surprised by my own age.