I'm having one of those weeks where I really, really wish I didn't have to talk to anyone ever. I mean, I normally loathe speaking to people who are not my friends and family outside of work. Even during work, I hate to talk to people, but I'm required to do so to get money.
Anyway, for some inexplicable reason it's worse than usual, particularly today. I think it's a matter of having expectations that are just too high. In other words, it's too much to expect that:
1. If I have no meetings, it will stay that way. It's 12:39. I'm on a meeting now, waiting for it to end because I'm really damn hungry and about to stab someone. I was so excited because my 1 o'clock meeting is one that I don't actually have to pay attention to, so I was thiiiiis close to having my soup. And then...someone more important than me schedules a meeting for me and a small group of people that is mandatory and on which I will be obligated to speak. Well, fuckbuckets. I think it's time to invest in an IV and a catheter (and yes, sometimes I don't even have time to pee).
2. My kids will not argue. They seem to reserve arguing for when I super duper don't want to talk. Most people's lives in general are filled with noise, chatter, clatter that you have to tune out just to focus on what you're doing right now. One could argue that I should ignore them, too. But that becomes impossible when I know what's coming. [cue JAWS music] "Moooommy, Ragsy called me crazy!" "I did NOT. I said don't be crazy." "He did it again!" "No I didn't!" and so on until I want to slap someone silly to prevent my children from slapping each other.
3. My husband will not have a midlife crisis or want to talk about "something very concerning," like the fact that surely my son will wind up friendless and failing out of school if he keeps wearing his hat, day in and day out. Seriously, man, chill out. I love you. I love our kids. Their lives will NOT be ruined if they have bad posture - no lecture required. Tickling his back to get him back up straight will do nicely.
4. The government will not send out new legislation that will require that I completely scrap my current project requirements to develop new ones. I've been working on this for more than a year, dammit. Are you freaking serious?
5. Someone will let me hide, just for a while. Not. Gonna. Happen.
So, now I know what I'm going to do today. I'm going to find a bridge and crawl under there with a novel, maybe my laptop (my personal laptop, not my work laptop), some earplugs and a pillow. And possibly a giant pile of cookies. You can come, too. But keep very, very quiet. I'll be the new troll in the Billy Goats Gruff.
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